Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Trial- Franz Kafka

‘There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.”
- Bertrand Russell

I definitely picked up Kafka to boast about it, what a dumb ass reason. I knew at my core that I would hate it. I knew it. Serves me right I guess.

This book is described as : "an existential tale, a parable, or a prophecy of the excesses of modern bureaucracy wedded to the madness of totalitarianism" What a load of pretentious bull shit. I CALL BULL SHIT. If you have to describe a book as " prophecy of the excesses of modern bureaucracy wedded to the madness of totalitarianism" to get people's attention then you're trying too hard.

What. Does. That. Even. Mean. and who even says that?!



Maybe I am not intelligent enough to see the mind blowing concepts Kafka introduced in this book but frankly I don't care. I'm confident in saying that as a novel this was a complete failure and, at least from what was displayed in this book, as a writer Kafka is neither good nor engaging.



Yea, I said it. Better believe it.

But why Lilyan? Why!? Why are you shitting on one of the major figures of 20th-century literature?

Because, you could have amazing ideas and never be a novelist. What's the use of writing your powerful ideas in novel form when you don't have the capacity to engage a reading audience or build characters?!

The Trial is a "novel" about Joseph K a banker who is suddenly arrested one day for an unknown charge. He is technically arrested but is allowed to roam free until the trial concludes. He spends the rest of the book meeting with bizarre characters that are all linked to the court in an attempt to exonerate himself. And that's it. That's the story. The main character, K, has the personality of a lamp shade. All the women in the novel are either whores by trade or linked to sex in one way or the other. The rest of the characters all blur together as tools to aid/hinder K.'s trial.

So what do we have here then? We have a book with pages containing writing that's completely void of characterization, plot progression or an engaging tone. Where are the "novel" elements then? How can you call Kafka a novelist? Perhaps a philosopher or a progressive thinker, an influential person, whatever you want to call him. But not a novelist.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Towers of Midnight- Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson

This is it people!

I've managed to drag this re-read for 3 years but it's time to face the music.
I don't even know where to begin. I'm so attached to this series, I've created the characters in my head and their settings. I can imagine the whole continent as if it actually exists. I'm really excited about finally reading the last book but I'm also dreading it. Especially after the emotional rollercoaster Towers of Midnight put me on.

Wow, so many touching moments that we've been anticipating forever (Moiraine, our super boys FINALLY embracing who they are, characters who should have been together ages ago hooking up at long last).

A Memory of Light, here I come! Please don't fail me and maintain your Epicness!

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Emma- Jane Austen

It pains me to give an Austen novel such low ratings but perhaps I have outgrown this writer, or maybe she just had a bad spell when writing this.

A ridiculous story with ridiculous abhorrent characters. Emma is quite simply a BITCH with a capital B.

Why is she a Bitch? For the following reasons ( Major Spoiler Warnings for those who have not read it):

Reason Number 1:

She spends 60% of the book dissuading Harriet, a poor senseless creature of unknown heritage and low stature, of marrying the man she loves because he is of a lower class than her. She then convinces her to set her sights on someone who's way above her, inflating her ego and filling her head with thoughts that she is of high society, only to find out that the man is actually interested in Emma herself! After that disaster, Harriet finally sets her eyes on Knightly and when Emma discovers this, she suddenly realizes she's in love with Knightly herself.. so.. she sends Harriet out of the way to London, announces her Engagement to him then slowly cuts ties with the girl!!! Oh. My. God. What a disgusting person!

Reason Number 2:

She openly bitches about Jane Fairfax to everyone. Starts rumors about her. Is extremely catty to her and her poor aunt. For no effing reason whatsoever. Just because!

Reason Number 3:

Flips the fuck out when she thinks Mr. Knightly has a thing for Jane and reasons that she does not want Knightly to ever marry because it will disadvantage her nephews!!!! HOW IS THIS ACCEPTABLE. I want to destroy her.

Plenty of books have bitchy characters and that's fine. But this character was glorified S
She acted like an absolute beast to everybody, yet still got the man in the end and apologies from people... WHY WAS ANYONE APOLOGIZING TO HER!?!?! She should commit suicide from shame. Selfish piece of shit.

I hated her and I really wished she would get the ending she deserved. I would rewrite this and have Harriet marry Knightly and Emma end up old, alone and miserable like her father

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Up from the Grave: Night Huntress Book 7- Jeanine Frost


I've said it before and I'll say it again, Frost should have quit at book 4. This book is no different. It's nice that we got to see all the characters together and Cat and Bones' relationship is as cute/strong as ever, but there really was nowhere to go after book 4. The rest of the books have been pure desperate fillers. It's heartbreaking.

This installment has yet another wild addition to the plot. It reeks of desperate measures. While the plot is all over the place, I still enjoyed the book once the action started, Cat, Bones and their crew are entertaining no matter how ridiculous their situation is.

I'm glad this is the final book and I am looking forward to the Ian spin-off if it ever happens.

Goodbye Cat and Bones, you have been good to me and you will be missed.

Enchantress of Paris- Marci Jefferson

Reviewing a free unpublished copy from NetGalley.

The only redeeming factor of this book is the last chapter. Besides the bittersweet ending and the cliché yet cute closing line this book is an absolute waste of paper and electricity for those reading on e-devices.

The book's main genre is YA, not historical fiction as it's marketed. Primarily, this is the story if an annoying girl in love with a spoilt POS King. That's it. That's the story, thank you for reading 350 pages of nothing. The End.

Despicable characters and repetitive chapters make for an extremely boring read. I couldn't care less about what happened to either the King or Marie because they're horrible people. The only reason I plowed through is to publish my review for NetGalley.

Republish this book as a Y.A., sell it to sappy teenagers and you'll have a winner. Historical Fiction? I don't think so.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

The Gathering Storm: Wheel of Time Book 12- Robert Jordan

Re-read.

Oh.My.God. What an emotional roller coaster! I've fallen in love with this series all over again. I've forgotten how amazing this installment was. This installment is equivalent to finding water in the desert. After 11 books of world building and plot twisting we have a climax. This is the turning point in the series, the last 2 books serve as a resolution. What a book! I read the bulk of it while on holiday and I spent all the train/plane rides either crying, laughing or talking to myself in excitement. Oh wow.

You can tell that the writing has been altered. Sanderson has a younger more straightforward voice but kudos to him for maintaining the essence of WOT. I LOVE RJ, he created WOT for us and I'm a die-hard fan but I must say that Sanderson taking it over worked out really really well.

This is non-stop action, things are moving along with EVERYONE. Egwene's plot is kick-ass. I decided if they ever got this series on TV, I'm auditioning for Egwene's role. And Rand.. ah Rand.. all I can say is ABOUT FREAKIN TIME! I'm really surprised that the first time I read this, the implications of Rand's emo-ness totally went over my head, I mean it's so glaringly obvious.. how did I not see it?! Now I understand though and big claps for Jordan once again.

I'm just so overwhelmed and really sad that I have one more book to go before I finish my re-read and reach the final book.

I don't want to let go.. what will I do with the rest of my life!?!

This is Where I leave you - Jonathan Tropper

A well written witty book about a dysfunctional family. Great array of characters and lots of dark funny moments.

Everyone can probably relate to this book on some level because really, what family isn't fucked up somehow?